Pretending

I know not to talk about Japan.  I know you don’t care.  I know not to start every other sentence with, “This one time in Tokyo…”  So after some of the more formative, perspective-shifting, magical five years of my life, I am pretending it didn’t happen.

A friend of mine drew this diagram with me and it couldn’t feel more true.  When I left Minneapolis, I was the inner circle.  Then after five years of growth and life-changing experiences I am now the outer circle.

But coming back to Minneapolis, everyone only knows me as the inner ring.  So during my coffee meet-ups, lunch dates and dinner parties, that is who I am.  The old me.  As we catch back up, I tell you, “Japan was amazing” and then I move the conversation on.  I try to stuff that entire outer part back into the size and shape of the inner part and let me tell you it isn’t working.  It doesn’t fit.  

So I need to embrace the new me.  The larger me.  To be honest, I haven’t full processed all the goodness that’s now a part of this bigger circle.  Because I’ve been ignoring it.  I’ve been pretending it isn’t there. 

Earlier this week, Anders said to me, “I still feel like I am going to wake up back in my bunkbed in Tokyo.”  I agree.  I feel like this is all a dream.  But in the same breath, I also feel like Japan was all a dream.  

So I ask you this.  As a favor.  The next time you see me, ask me a question about Japan.  Allow me the grace to share a story or two.  (And for those of you that have been curious and provided me the space, thank you.) I need that. To be able to talk about it. To make sense of what the heck just happened. To process it all.  Because it is time for these two circles to blur together, so I can move forward bigger and better than ever.