We Miss Him

I remember the moment Steve told me that maybe, just maybe, we might move to Japan.  I screamed “YES” without missing a beat.  

He was hesitant.  

We had great jobs and great friends and a great house and a great dog and a great life.  We were both home by 6:00pm almost every day.  And we didn’t travel, much.

The new job had a lot of travel.  50% travel he said.  I said - cool!  You can see the world!  We can come with you!  The travel will be close so you don’t have to worry about jet leg!  We have to do this!

He was hesitant.

He loves our boys.  He loves me.  He puts us first.  Always.  He doesn’t work to provide for us, he works cause he’s passionate about it.  And then spends time with us, cause he loves us.  He is so aware of his desire to put family first.  Family first isn’t an old saying, it is his modus operandi, tattooed on his heart. 

So of course, he was hesitant.

But I said we must do this.  So he thought about it over a long weekend and agreed, we must do this.  So we did.  And let me tell you, the travel SUCKS.

Over the past 3 months we have been without Steve more than we have been with him.  We were apart for 6 weeks when he moved to Asia before us.  Then we arrived and he left.  Back to Minnesota, to Sydney, to Perth, to Guangzhou, to Ohio, to Shanghai.  Since March 1 we have been with Steve 31% of the time (oh yes, I did the math.)  That is hard.

And it’s not hard because, I need him.  It is hard because, I want him.  I am fine without him - and I don’t like that.  I don’t like that we get into our routine.  I don’t like that the boys stop asking about Dada.  I don’t like that after I put them in bed, there is just silence.  I miss his presence and his snuggles and the way his neck smells.

Cause I actually really like him.  A lot.  He is my person.  My soulmate.  The love of my life without a doubt in my mind.  My heart aches when he leaves. 

As for him, a life of travel is hard.  He loves it, but like all of us, everything in moderation is best.  He lives out of a suitcase.  He is in new hotels day after day.  He is often meeting new people, adjusting to new cultures and tackling new business challenges - that takes a lot of energy.  It can be isolating and exhausting.

He comes home tomorrow and luckily we get him for a whole three weeks, before we lose him for another six.  

Our goal this Fall, is to be together more than we aren’t.  For him to travel less and when he does, for us to travel with him.  For the boys to be used to having Dada to tuck them him, for family dinners and weekends spent having adventures together.

The decision to move here was still 100% right for our family.  But man, I miss him.